Shawn, Lassie, a Concussion, and a Baby
by FluffyCloudStuff
Summary: Shawn has been given two babysitting assignments. One is for a baby. One is for Lassie. Shassie!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Psych, but if I did...well, more stuff like this would happen.

Chapter 1

"Come on, Dad; I don't even know these people!" Shawn complained as he followed Henry through the house.

"You think I want you babysitting? You think I would really trust you with a child, much less a baby, if I had no other choice?"

"But Dad," Shawn whined, "Gus is out of town. Who's going to change its diapers?"

"Shawn, consider it a learning experience. Learn to accept some responsibility. You never know; you might have to take care of one of your own someday."

"Yeah, _that's_ going to happen."

Henry let the comment slide by. "Look, the baby is a friend of mine's granddaughter. So don't screw up."

Shawn scowled at his father as he answered his ringing phone. It was the chief. "Yeah," Shawn answered.

"_I need you here right away. It's very important."_

"Yeah, sure, Chief. I'll be right there." Shawn grinned as he hung up. "Looks like you'll have to find someone else. I've got a case."

~P~

"But I feel fine," Lassiter insisted.

"Carlton, you and I both know that's a lie." Chief Vick replied, "You have a concussion. You need to be resting, not chasing criminals. O'Hara is perfectly capable of lasting a day on her own."

"But—"

"What's the lowdown, Chief? Robbery? Murder? A cat-burglar that actually burgles cats?" Shawn said as he waltzed into Chief Vick's office. He giggled. "Burgles,"

Lassiter rolled his eyes. "What's he doing here?"

The chief just smiled. "Mr. Spencer, this is your assignment."

Both Shawn and Lassiter looked confused.

"Get Detective Lassiter out of the station and make sure he doesn't hurt himself any more than he already has." Vick instructed Shawn.

"I'm sorry, Chief, but I'm a little fuzzy here. Are you asking me to babysit _Lassie_?" Shawn asked in disbelief.

"Call it what you want, Mr. Spencer. Just get him out of here."

Shawn smirked. "Okay,"

"Wait a minute; not okay!" Lassiter cried, "You can't do this! It's cruel and unusual punishment!"

"This isn't a court case, Detective. And furthermore, yes, I can do this. Am I in any way unclear?" Chief Vick asked through clenched teeth.

Lassiter swallowed. "Not at all, Chief." He looked over at Shawn, who was smiling like a loon. He sighed. It was only one day. He could handle it…right?

~P~

Lassiter sighed. He was sitting on a couch in the Psych office, feeling very out of his element. Frankly, whenever Shawn was around, he was always out of his element. But being in the office just made it worse.

Shawn was sitting backwards in his computer chair, dangling his arms over the back. He'd been pretty quiet, which was definitely odd. Lassiter wondered how long it would take him to crack and start jabbering like normal.

Of course, it could've been because Guster was out of town for a pharmaceutical conference. Shawn was probably feeling a little lonely. His best friend had already been gone for a whole day.

Both of them looked up when they heard the sound of the front door opening. A woman in her late twenties walked in. She was carrying a baby and a gigantic pink diaper bag.

"Shawn Spencer?" she asked, looking from one to the other. Lassiter pointed to his younger counterpart. The woman smiled. "Oh, good. Henry said you'd be here. Now, Sadie has a nap at one-o'clock after she has lunch. I packed that in the diaper bag. I have everything you need in here, actually, except maybe a kitchen sink." She laughed at her own joke. "I'll be back at five. My cell number is in the front pocket if you need me." The woman paused at Shawn's blank expression. "Henry did tell you about this, didn't he?"

Shawn snapped out of his trance. "Yeah, but I already told him that I had a case."

The woman looked around at the still, silent office and Shawn's unfinished Solitaire game on the computer screen.

Shawn grinned weakly. "Sort of,"

The woman smiled faintly back. She wasn't sure if leaving her seven-month-old daughter here was such a good idea, but if Henry said his son was reliable, she would believe him. "Well, like I said, my cell number is in the front pocket of the bag. I'll be back at five. Or maybe a little sooner." She handed her pink-and-yellow-clad daughter carefully and reluctantly to Shawn. "Bye, Sweetie. Mommy will be back soon."

As the mother left, Shawn looked to Lassiter. The detective had the most amused expression that Shawn had ever seen on him. Shawn narrowed his eyes a little. He turned back to the baby. He was still holding her out, over his lap, as the woman had handed her to him. She stared back with wide, blue eyes. She actually was kind of cute. She had chubby cheeks, like a hamster.

"Well? What're you going to do now, Spencer? Babysit the both of us?" Lassiter spoke up with a spiteful smile.

"No, you're going to help me." Shawn said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, no, there's no way I'm going to help with _that_."

"But the chief put me in charge of you. So I'll make it an order." Shawn smiled the same spiteful smile. Now it was Lassiter's turn to narrow his eyes.

"What was her name again?" Shawn asked as he looked back to the baby.

"Sadie, I think."

"Hm," Shawn stood up and plopped her into Lassiter's lap. "Hold this."

Lassiter didn't seem too happy, but as soon as Sadie looked at him, she broke into a smile. He couldn't help but smile back. She reached for his tie, examining it as if it were a great find. Lassiter chuckled.

Shawn had found a blanket in the diaper bag and spread it on the floor, along with a pile of various toys. Lassiter put Sadie down, and she went straight for the pile.

"Well, I guess this shouldn't be too hard." Shawn surmised, sitting on the couch next to Lassiter.

"I wouldn't speak so soon if I were you."

Shawn shrugged. They watched Sadie for a few moments.

"So, how did you get a concussion anyway?" Shawn asked, looking at the mark on the detective's forehead.

"You're the psychic. You tell me."

Shawn smiled. "It was something stupid, wasn't it?"

Lassiter sighed. "Kind of. I was getting a suspect out of the back of the car. He kicked the door, hit me in the head. I was out like a light."

"Did he get away?"

"No, O'Hara grabbed him."

Shawn nodded. "You're okay, right?"

"I'm fine, not that the chief will believe me."

"She's just concerned. She doesn't want to lose a good detective."

Lassiter looked at Shawn strangely. Did he just say something nice without being immature or sarcastic?

Shawn cleared his throat. "At least, that's what her aura said." He was silent for a second. "So, um…what time is it?"

Lassiter looked at his watch. "Twelve-twenty,"

"We should probably feed her, huh?"

"Probably,"

Sadie was in Lassiter's lap again as Shawn fed her. Shawn made weird faces, as if he were copying Sadie. He probably wasn't even aware he was doing it. Lassiter tried not to smile. Even though neither of them were really kid people, they seemed to be getting along just fine with Sadie. But she was a pretty good baby. She'd been quiet except for the usual baby babble.

And strangely enough, Shawn had hardly made a moronic statement all afternoon. What was going on?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Shawn twiddled his thumbs absentmindedly. Sadie was asleep on the blanket, and it was only twelve-forty-five. Shawn looked over to find that Lassiter was also fast asleep, arms folded across his chest.

Shawn would have to get something to eat pretty soon. He hadn't had anything since he'd gotten up at around nine. That was almost four hours ago!

_It's just like my dad to stick me with this, _Shawn thought. _What if I actually did have a case? Somehow he must've known I didn't. Either way, he had no right to stick me with a kid while he went off to a scrapbook meeting, or spray tanning, or whatever other embarrassing hobby he has now. _He sighed. _I need a smoothie._

~P~

Lassiter woke up to Shawn annoyingly poking him in the arm.

"Just checking. You know, with the concussion and all… Anyway, I got us smoothies."

"Oh…thanks."

Shawn shrugged, slurping the straw of his pineapple concoction. "How long do you think she'll be asleep?"

"No idea,"

Shawn paused. "Why didn't you leave?"

"Huh?"

"You obviously don't want to be here. You could've just left. What could I have done to stop you?"

"I don't need Chief Vick on my case." Lassiter replied.

"I might not have told her."

"Why?"

"Oh, come on, Lassie. I'm not that mean."

Lassiter raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, not _usually_."

"You're not mean." Lassiter confessed. "Just moronic and annoying."

Shawn smiled. "Aw, Lassie, I knew you cared."

At that moment, several things happened. The phone rang, Sadie woke up and started crying, and Shawn's smoothie fell to the floor.

Lassiter and Shawn looked at each other in a mixture of irritation and hysteria.

"You get the phone, and I'll get the kid." Lassiter finally said.

"Got it." Shawn replied. "Hello?"

"Shawn?"

"Jules! How nice to hear from you!"

"Do I hear a baby crying?"

"Oh, no, that's just Gus. He just heard that Napoleon Dynamite got cancelled."

"Shawn, I know that Gus is out of town."

"Oh…in that case, yes, it is a baby. It's a Martian baby that just crashed to Earth in a tiny, baby-Martian-sized spacecraft. Lassie and I are going to raise it until it becomes a superhero."

"Lassiter's there?" Juliet replied, ignoring the Martian superhero remark.

"Yes. It's kind of a complicated story, actually. Why are you calling?"

"I was just going to ask if you had a case, but I can see you're busy."

"Why? Do you need me?"

"Well, since Lassiter's out, I'm kind of swamped."

If it had been a cartoon, there would've been a light bulb over Shawn's head. He smiled. "I think I can help you."

~P~

Finally, Sadie stopped crying and the smoothie got cleaned off the floor, though Shawn pouted about it for a little while.

"I vote that should never happen again." Shawn said.

"Agreed. So who called?"

"Oh, nobody."

"O'Hara?"

Shawn looked away for a second. "Maybe,"

"Aha! They do need me, don't they?" Lassiter didn't wait for an answer. He started to go for the door, but Shawn grabbed his arm.

"Hang on a second! I got someone to help Jules. Chill out. The whole department won't go up in smoke without you." Shawn insisted. "What do you think happens when you take a vacation?"

"Vacation?"

Shawn sighed. "Well, I should've seen that coming. Now, sit. The chief told me to keep you out of the department, and that's what I plan to do."

"Since when do you listen?"

"Since you have a head injury!"

"Why do you care?"

"I —" Shawn stopped. "I just do."

Lassiter gave him a skeptical look, but he didn't say anything else. That didn't mean his mind wasn't racing, because it definitely was. Why _did_ he care? What wasn't he saying? What did he almost say?

It was enough to make his head hurt even worse.

~P~

The office was silent for the longest time. Shawn was playing Fruit Ninja. Sadie was slobbering on a poor stuffed rabbit's ear. Lassiter was still thinking.

Then the worst thing possible happened.

Shawn looked up. "Do you smell—?"

"Don't even say it."

"You don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Yes I do."

"Oh, so now _you're_ the psychic?"

"You don't have to be a psychic to know what it is."

Shawn swallowed. "Yeah, I know." He looked down at Sadie. "She looked so sweet and innocent."

"I can tell you for certain that _that_ isn't."

"You wouldn't by any chance want to help now, would you?"

"When hell freezes over."

"I'll do rock-paper-scissors for it. Best two out of three."

Lassiter was already halfway to the door. "Not a chance."

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere,"

Shawn looked back at Sadie. She smiled up at him. Shawn grimaced. "You mock me."

He'd better be getting paid for this.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: There's one minor naughty word in this chapter. I'd also like to thank the people who reviewed. I heart you!

Chapter 3

After about half an hour of searching on Google and flat-out guessing, Shawn figured out how a diaper worked. Shawn sat back on the couch and sighed. Now he _really_ wished his smoothie hadn't taken a dive.

He looked at the clock, trying to remember which hand was the minute and which was the hour. He guessed it was about one-thirty. Lassie had been gone for quite a while. Was he ever going to come back? Shawn wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't. He suddenly found himself feeling a little sad, but he quickly shook it off. He should be happy that the detective was gone. But what would the chief do if she found out?

Shawn bit his lip. That might not go over too well. He was already on thin ice for cracking her glass fish, though that was partially Gus's fault. If he hadn't sneezed, Shawn might not have dropped it. Of course, it didn't help that his hands were kind of greasy from that pretzel.

Shawn looked up at the sound of the front door closing. He hoped and prayed it wasn't a client. Not now. He felt a sense of relief when he saw that it was Lassiter.

"Here," Lassiter mumbled, handing Shawn a new pineapple smoothie.

Shawn looked at him in surprise. "Wow, Lassie. You've been actually half-way decent to me today."

"Well…you haven't been such an idiot."

Shawn smiled. That was as close to a compliment as he could get. "So, uh…how's your head?"

"Better,"

"Good,"

Silence.

"You know, I thought you left for good." Shawn said.

"I thought about it."

"And…?"

"I decided it's probably not in my best interest to disregard the chief."

"Yeah,"

Silence.

"What is it?" Lassiter suddenly said.

"What is what?"

"Your problem! I've been waiting all this time for you to say _anything_ stupid, and it hasn't happened. Knowing you, you're probably doing it on purpose to mess with me."

"Why? Why can't I just be nice? Why does it have to be some elaborate scheme?"

"Because that's just the kind of thing you would do!"

"Come on, Lassie. I work on the fly. I improvise. I don't _plan_."

"Fine, whatever,"

Shawn studied him for a second. "You know what I think? I think you _want_ me to annoy you. You just want me to pay attention to you."

"That's ridicu—"

"I think that underneath the ass, there's a sensitive little Lassie. And if I didn't know better, I'd think you actually like me. I mean, you got my bike for me when it got towed, and though you complain, you still let me help you on your investigations. You've even hired me a couple of times. You must value my skills just a little bit." Shawn paused. "And you're not denying anything. You see, Lassie, I've got you figured out. Nothing you do will ever surprise me."

"Really?" Lassiter sounded skeptical.

"Really,"

They just stared at each other for a minute. Before Shawn knew what was going on, Lassiter's hand was on the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Shawn froze. Was this happening? Did an alien take over Lassie's brain?

Eventually, Lassiter let him go. Shawn swallowed. "I guess I was wrong."

"Well, Shawn, looks like you're holding down the fort pretty well." Henry's voice said.

Shawn and Lassie immediately leapt to their feet.

"So while you two are swapping spit, who's watching the kid?"

"That may have been the most disturbing thing you've ever said." Shawn replied. "And she's right there. No problem."

"More importantly, you want to explain to me why I get a call to go down to the station _on my day off_, and I spend the better part of three hours doing paperwork?"

"Well, that's your own fault, Dad. Jules needed help, and I'm a little tied up. I just thought police stuff was more important than fishing."

"I wasn't fishing, Shawn, I was helping a friend of mine—no, you don't deserve an explanation. Do what you want, Shawn. I don't care. Just don't drag me into it." Henry turned around and headed for the door.

"I could say the same for you!" Shawn called. The door slammed. Shawn shook his head. "You want to know why I goof off? That's why. Spend eighteen years with that and see how you turn out."

"I went fishing with him before. I know."

"No you don't. He's not done yet. He'll say something later about…you know."

"Um…Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's the kid?"

"Great. Just great. That's what I need right now."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Kind of a short chapter. Anyway, if you have reviewed, thanks again! If you haven't, your computer is set to explode in 3...2... ;)

Chapter 4

"How do you lose a baby?" Lassiter cried.

"They're small, okay? And sneaky. Maybe she's still here." Shawn replied. He was looking around frantically, tossing off couch cushions and creating a mess that would put Gus in cardiac arrest. "Guess what, Lassie."

"She's not here."

"Yatzee,"

Lassiter sighed. "Is the back door closed?"

"Oh, come on." Shawn said as he went to the back door to check. "Of course the back door is…open. Lassie, the back door is open!"

"She couldn't have gotten that far."

"What time is it?"

Lassiter looked at his watch. "Four-thirty,"

"Four-thirty! The mom's coming back at five! Okay, I'll go look for the kid; you stay here, and if the mom comes, stall." With that, Shawn flew out the door in a frenzy.

~P~

"Look, Lassie, I found her!" Shawn announced as he ran back into the Psych office, baby in arms.

The detective swallowed. "That's…that's not her."

"What do you mean?"

"That's the wrong kid, Spencer!"

Shawn looked down. "But…but…"

Suddenly, a very angry-looking woman marched into the office. She yanked the baby out of Shawn's arms and proceeded to whack him with her large purse.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! My bad!" Shawn exclaimed. The woman gave him one last vengeful glare before she left.

"How do you grab the wrong baby?" Lassiter asked unbelievingly.

"I don't know! They all look the same."

"That was a boy."

"Oh,"

Lassiter shook his head. "Keep looking. You've got fifteen minutes."

~P~

Lassiter couldn't stop pacing. It had been fifteen minutes, and Shawn hadn't returned. He could see it all now: Missing person reports, search parties, newspaper articles… Not to mention that he was involved in this mess too, even though Shawn was technically responsible.

The horrifying sound of the front door opening and high-heeled footsteps filled Lassiter's ears.

"Hi," the woman said cheerfully. Her smile diminished when she saw the awful mess on the floor. She cleared her throat. "You're, uh…Shawn's friend, right?"

"You…could say that."

"Oh, I've seen you before. You're a detective, aren't you? I've seen you in the papers."

_You might see me in the papers even more after today._ "Yeah, Detective Carlton Lassiter," he offered his hand, and the woman shook it.

"Kate Marshall. I'm sorry I didn't have time to formally introduce myself earlier. So I'm here to pick up Sadie." She looked around the office space. "Where is she?"

"Oh, she's…in the back…with Shawn."

A confused look crossed Kate's face. "Well…could you get him?"

"Sure," Lassiter didn't move. "So…are you married?"

Now she looked irritated. "Yes. Happily."

"Oh, I wasn't…I was just…"

"Hello, everybody." Shawn said. He had a baby in his arms again…the right one, Lassie noted with relief. Shawn handed her off to her mother.

"Well, I can't thank you enough for this." Kate said. "I hope she wasn't too much trouble."

"Not at all." Shawn replied. "Sometimes you wouldn't even know she was here."

Kate smiled. "I'm glad. Thanks again." As she left, Shawn and Lassiter collapsed on the couch.

"Never again," Lassiter vowed.

"Never," Shawn agreed. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I didn't get paid."


	5. Chapter 5

At long last, the final chapter. Thanks for bearing with me. I must apologize for the delay. I've been incredibly busy the past couple of weeks, including celebrating my sixteenth birthday! Not only that, but I'm working with an injury (a word to the wise: never grab a falling lantern). Anyway, it's a bit of a short chapter, but I'm terrible with endings. Enjoy, review, etc.

Chapter 5

Shawn and Lassiter resumed their previous posts. Shawn returned to his unfinished Solitaire game.

"So…" Lassiter began.

Shawn looked over.

"Are we going to…talk…about — ?"

"No," Shawn interrupted.

"Do you even know what I'm — ?"

"Yes. Psychic, remember?"

Lassiter rolled his eyes. "I don't want things to be awkward."

"More than usual, you mean?"

"What did I do to you?"

"Numerous things. And I've done numerous things to you. So maybe it's best if we keep it that way." Shawn said quickly.

Lassiter thought for a moment. "If that's the way you want it."

Shawn leaned back in his chair. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"What?"

"Being nice! Stop it!"

"Why?"

"Because that's not what you do! You're supposed to scoff at my psychic abilities and threaten to shoot me. And I relentlessly annoy you and end up solving your cases. We have a nice thing going here. Don't mess it up."

"That's not what you were saying earlier."

"Well…I got caught up in the moment earlier."

Lassiter shook his head. "No, that's not it."

"What is this, an interrogation?"

"You're dodging."

Shawn sighed. "Fine. You want to know what it is? I'm afraid. Okay? What do I tell Gus? My dad? Or even Jules? This is big, whatever 'this' is. I don't even _know_ what this is. Up until today, we hated each other."

"I never hated you."

"I know. Neither did I. But as far as everyone else is concerned, we do."

Lassiter paused. "They don't have to think otherwise."

"What do you mean?"

"Nobody has to know."

A slow grin spread on Shawn's face. "You're right. Nobody has to know. Well, except Gus."

"I don't know…"

"Come on, Lassie. Gus is my best friend. He has to know."

"All right, fine. But that's it."

"Well…and my dad, because he kind of walked in on us."

"Why don't we tell the whole world while we're at it?" Lassiter said sarcastically.

"That's only two people! I don't even have to tell my dad. He already knows."

"I don't completely like that idea."

"I don't either, but it beats him finding out later. Trust me; he would've found out."

"I don't doubt that."

Shawn nodded. "Is this…extremely weird to you?"

"Yes."

"Good," Shawn flopped on the couch next to him. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

~P~

Gus parked the Echo in front of the Psych office. He'd been gone for the whole weekend, and Shawn had only texted him twice. Both had been about the Mentalist.

That was weird, to say the least. Shawn must've had a case. But that didn't explain it. The last time Shawn had taken a case while Gus was away, he'd called him nonstop. There had to be another reason.

Unless… Gus' heart started beating faster. Shawn was dead. He just knew it. The police hadn't called him because they didn't want him to drive back like a wild man. Gus broke into a run, bursting through the door.

"Gus!" Shawn cried. "You're back!"

"Shawn! You're not dead!"

"That's not exactly the greeting I was expecting, but okay."

"You didn't call me for two days."

"So you assumed I was _dead_? I can survive two days without you, you know. Now, _three_ days is a different story…"

"Shawn,"

"I'm glad you're back, buddy. And boy, do I have news for you. You may want to sit down…"

The End!


End file.
